It's the end of 2019 and I can't honestly say "good riddance" to it like most people typically do at the end of the year. I feel like I've passed the point of hoping for the next year to suddenly reset everything that's gone wrong with the past 12 months (how does that mentally work for people?). I think while there were ups and downs, this year felt average for me. Like of course I'd struggle with abc and xyz bad things will happen. It happens every year.
I think what I want to look back at most is the good things that happened this year and grow with those things. I can't imagine what it's like to be so incredibly lucky that almost nothing bad happens to you for an entire year. It sounds superficial.... Anyway, what I think I want to run with is understanding what I can handle in terms of work. I think I've tried to bite more than I could chew and everything ended terribly. I'm also glad I learned things through some temporary work I've done as well. Well, without experience you can't really think smarter, right? Thinking that way has always helped me through particularly bad experiences. Now that I'm like 10% smarter, I'll do better next year right?
But it feels through all the things that's happened this year I've become sharper, more focused. It's almost as if despite wearing glasses I've been blind to nearly everything around me. Like I've been meandering. I won't lose sight of my goals again like I did this year.
Patreon was a brand new experience for me that I wasn't too sure I could keep up with but I did it anyway since, well, I thought I could keep up with the parameters I'd set. Obviously not true so I'm shifting the gears on my page again! But I think I'm grateful for the experience I had doing all the things I had done... otherwise I don't think I would've pushed myself. It's been a long time since I had drawn anything like, well this
...And I want to give myself the time to pull things like this off more. I was definitely more studious in 2017, and I hope to do the same for 2020 as I've missed that feeling. I missed feeling more ambitious. And I definitely missed feeling like I was going somewhere. Honestly it feels like 2019 was my pickup year for 2018, and it's gonna end how I thought it would: with me finally feeling a lot better after recovering from a terribly long burnout.
I didn't want to look back at 2019 and think, "Wow what a total shitfest that was, 2020 is definitely my year!" because that always happens and the following year never ends up being the year I wanted it to be. Being a little more realistic will help a lot more than thinking I could achieve big things in a short time. And with that, Happy Holidays and Happy New Year! I'm gonna spend the rest of the year catching up on manga and playing games. Oh also, a sneak peak for my next Chao upadate :)c